Updated: Dec 16, 2020
Why Feeling ‘Not Enough’ Is So Common ? Many of us grow up with a concept or an idea of ourselves, and we have little or no idea how we adopted this worldview.
"Not good enough" is a common one, and an archetype that I've worked on for at least the last 10 years. I recently found some old journals where I wrote it down as one of the challenges I wanted to overcome in my life.
This particular belief is so pervasive because it often gifted to us by parents who want us to do more or be more than they were, or our schools which value academic achievement and constantly remind us that our best may not be what is needed to 'get ahead', or sometimes it can even arise from our social circles where we silently suffer an epidemic of instagram comparison.
In this post, I share my own experience of working with an energy healer to clear the ancestral line as a way to become aware of a deeper story, and to change it at a level of consciousness rather than just the 'mind'. I also share a meditation you can do on your own at the end if you'd like to try it yourself.
If you want to skip the story and go straight to the meditation, scroll on down.
What is a Belief?
A belief is a mental construct and it can determine how we frame our reality by shaping specific thoughts we have about a topic. In a sense they become the programmes that our mind uses to filter our world. One person might hold the belief that the world is a dangerous place, while their twin sibling might hold the opposite belief that the world is kind and benevolent.
Quantum theory hit the fringe of the mainstream in about 2004 with 'What the Bleep Do We Know', and more recent experiments seek to confirm the now meme-able quote "you are what you think". I'm seeing more discussion about the mind as the 'projector' of your experience vs the 'recorder' of it, and I expect we will see more about this in the next few years. What they are saying is: you are creating your reality (subjectively) moment-to-moment. Taking this a step further, your reticular activating system is shaping your experience of reality based on what you focus on.
Any easy way to relate to this is to think about the last time you went to buy a car, let's say it was a specific type of car in the colour red. As you were going through the search and buying process, you may remember seeing that car more frequently, almost as if they were suddenly everywhere. In truth, they were always there, it's just that your mind was filtering for them and so they appeared more prominently in your awareness.
Armed with this knowledge, we can start to see how these unhelpful programmes that we have grown up with create a world where we want one thing but actually get another thing based on our subconscious beliefs and biases. There is a lot more science behind this which delves into the neuroscience, and I'm happy to point people to further references in this field if you'd like to explore further. This has little or nothing to do with 'The Secret'.
My own path to letting go of ‘not good enough’ has felt a little bit (read: a lot) like groundhog day. The whole concept of self-worth had wrapped its curly fingers around my life and created such a tight grip, it was hard to know which pressure points might lead to a release.
Although I’ve been aware of it for a long time, the feeling is so subtle as to not be noticed; and that's how our highly attuned subconscious works. It creates a set of circumstances to prove to your brain (which likes predictability btw) that it is right. So, if you hold a certain belief, expect to see the world show you that belief wherever you look - like the red car in the example above.
I believe Byron Katie eludes to this in her methodology called 'The Work' as she asks you to show the evidence in your life of the belief you want to hold vs the one that you're currently holding. She is making this invitation to bring your awareness to a different reality - one that can supplant the unhelpful one you're choosing to focus on. It seems to me that she is using this question as a way to hack to reticular activating system.
How Does It Show Up?
Not good enough in my world meant that I looked for ways to discount my services to my clients (great if you were my client), or I didn't do things because there was a part of me that believed I couldn't - even if the facts were clearly disagreeing with me. It also meant that I didn't go to certain stores, eat at certain restaurants and I would skimp out on myself whenever the opportunity arose. It was so insidious, and yet so predictable and dull at the same time. It was a world of paradoxes that could leave me feeling paralysed, guilty or entitled.
Steve Sims also wrote a bit about his own experience of this in his book 'Bluefishing' where he discussed not feeling like he deserved to be in a Gucci store. Specifically he felt that the son of a bricklayer didn't belong in Gucci. Changing that worldview literally changed his life and I have a lot of respect and admiration for what Steve has created.
Releasing the Belief - An Unconventional Approach
In December 2019 I'd had enough of not good enough, and decided to call on a pal to help me kick this attitude to the curb once and for all. I have done elements of 'The Work' with a Coach and found it really helpful at the cognitive level. Like the proverbial onion I also felt that there was something going on at a much deeper level, and I wanted to explore that given I'm open to a world that many find difficult to understand. Once that decision was made, the universe appeared to take care of the rest.
I spent most of that week slipstreaming through time and space. Most days I was unaware of the time or even the day or the date it was. It was the strangest week I can recall. I simply didn't know where I was. The week began with a trip to Europe - the last one I would take for the company I worked for - and when I emerged from the Eurotunnel at Folkstone, I felt like I was emerging into a new timeline on Tuesday evening.
I'm going to caveat the rest of this to say that I regularly work with gifted healers who are able to help me access subconscious patterns. I'll go to a 'Western' Dr when my body tells me it needs it; but my experience of allopathic medicine, indigenous wisdom and my own explorations of consciousness have shown me that my work with healers is always far more profound.
During our healing session a Druid appeared and the lack and poverty I had identified was in the field immediately. For me, the 'not good enough' was related to this lineage in England. I have apparently incarnated many times into the mystic and the occult traditions of this land, which is supposedly why I am back here. I had worked with the ley lines in the past as part of my traditions but had also become disconnected from the the Earth mother.
Part of my apparent destiny in this life is to end the lineage of poverty and the lack which has been handed through my ancestral line. The Druids, by all accounts were persecuted and made to feel less-than, and the appearance of this Druid was to tell me that it is my time to stand up and reclaim my power - in part because they didn't. It was only two days before this event that I was reading about them.
The healing revealed that the small boy inside of me internalised this feeling of 'not enough' throughout childhood as my parents struggled to make ends meet when we were very young. When I work with my clients on this issue, it sometimes shows up as a memory of their parents talking about money being 'hard to come by' or that you need to 'work hard to make money' or some other sort of unintentional programming that the person has picked up and holds onto at a subconscious level.
Although this has never been my reality, and there has always been enough; in fact at times there has been much abundance, the energetic imprint of both my upbringing and my ancestors looms large. It makes me wonder if the work of the inner child ever done, or are we destined to re-live every minor family infraction our little child internalised? I'm still answering this question for myself.
In my trance-like state, I sent that part of me love and warmth as I wrapped myself in the folds of the deepest Mother Earth, beyond the crystal caves that exist in the depths of our planet. While ensconced in her warmth, I was instructed to imagine myself at the centre of my head, and turning around I looked back down my ancestral line - first left (feminine) and then right (masculine).
A cast of strange and un-earthly beings faced me in return. They looked desperate, hungry and unhappy. In that moment I felt sadness, disgust and compassion all at once. This conflicting milieu of feelings evoked a desire to turn away and yet I couldn’t. Like a train wreck in progress, I looked on down that line, taking in the energy of each one, and I sent those beings loving energy from my heart until they faded out of view.
Other elements of the family constellation came up for acknowledgement and guidance towards healing. I fell into a still space until the healing ended. Further guidance was given about the anger releasing from the seat of the ego in my throat chakra through the next couple of weeks. My only task - be spontaneous, do what I feel like and indulge the impulses of my soul.
Taking a helicopter view of all of this, I am able to see a larger cycle of events taking shape as my energy system shifts and I change my entire life-path towards a much more enriching and rewarding future.
A couple of days after this session, I felt like hell with a cold coming on - sore throat, itchy nose and all that good stuff (throat chakra release). And what did my soul want to do? Go to Burberry - a store I've avoided like the plague. I spent a couple of hours trying on all the coats before deciding on a replacement for my well-worn peacoat. I didn't feel a shred of guilt in buying it and I certainly felt like I deserved to be at Burberry. I'm looking forward to going again!
Not a bad way to kick off that feeling of 'not good enough'.
Post-script: A couple of months later, I am working less than before and feeling completely relaxed in this space as I explore it. In the past, I would have been berating myself and flagellating about not working enough, spending too much and things like that. I remember those feelings like a distant memory. In the liminal space of transition I don't feel that sense of 'not good enough', rather I feel a deep desire to serve and from that place, I know that I will be rewarded.
How To Work On Healing the Ancestral Line
Use this meditation to heal issues that manifest through your ancestral line.
Relax and centre your breathing in your heart centre until you feel completely at ease. You can use a 2/4 breath to create deep coherence between the heart and the brain.
Imagine that you are descending deeply into mother earth, through her mantle, down into the crystal caves and into the rock beyond. Feel the energy of the great mother wrapping around you and holding you in deepest reverence, for you are a divine being with a unique purpose on the planet and the world would not be complete without you.
Hold in your minds eye the issue that you would like to heal. Bring the feeling of that issue into your field and tap into the feelings associated with it. Give those feelings a shape or a colour if it helps to get more connected.
Imagine yourself sitting at the centre of your head in the centre of your skull.
Turn around and look down your ancestral line, first to the left (feminine).
Notice all of the different beings there, don't be frightened if they don't look as you expected them to look.
As you look at these beings, open your heart and send them pure love from your heart centre. These beings need only love. If it is difficult to visualise, send the love with your intention. Only intention matters.
Continue sending love until you feel the energy of the feeling fade or until your visualisation of the beings fades.
Relax and breathe deeply through your heart centre. Repeat the process above for the right side and the masculine ancestral line.
Wriggle your fingers and your toes before opening your eyes and returning to the world.
Journal what you experienced.
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