Updated: Nov 15
Regression can be difficult to comprehend - even more so when our conditioned understanding of the past conflicts with what arises in regression. One wonders - is this real?
My answer is yes.
I don't seek agreement for my views or validation for my experiences. Robert Schwartz wrote extensively about the phenomenon of past lives and regression, which first inspired me to explore it and seek out people who could help me do that. I was referred to someone in 2015 - an adventure I traveled thousands of miles for (but that's covered in a different blog article).
We're back in Rome again - pre-Jesus - and I'm what could best be described as a Chancellor who acts as the intermediary between the State (Church) and the Military. Joining the bureaucracy at the age of 22 I rose higher than would be expected of a pagan boy with a deep love of nature and the old ways, but it wasn't meant to last.
Pagans in Ancient Rome were referred to as Barbarians and I was one of them - nothing could change that. Giving up my life on the land was one of the sacrifices I made to try and change things from the inside - and I've been trying to change things from the inside lifetime after lifetime ever since, it seems.
Perhaps I was naive to think that I could make that much of a difference. Perhaps those in power knew my secret and used it against me - perhaps they had no idea? I wasn't given that insight.
It would have made little difference to the outcome - changing only the depth of the malice intended when I was given the order to instruct the military to destroy the pagan villages, including that of my own family.
Tears welled up in my closed eyes as I sat in the bland dark chair of my home office, visualising the pain I had inflicted on my family in that life. The image of my then Mother comes into view and I see her accepting her fate with both humility and sadness; and yet underneath that was a deep understanding and acceptance that only a mother can demonstrate. In the tradition that I was born into, the Mother was the Matriarch, the representation of the 'Great Mother'; and I had just condemned the feminine force in my own life.
The anger and guilt raged inside of me - a feeling that could barely be contained. Anger at the establishment, the Church, at God for putting me in this situation. It burned white hot inside of me and the tears continued to roll down my face while the guide 'held space' for me on the other side of the planet as she too witnessed the full force of the emotions I was experiencing in this moment.
In the past I had traveled to the Himalayas for regression, and for more than a few weeks, I'd been feeling lost, and disconnected. Each time I had a glass of wine I felt physically ill - poisoned almost. I sought out this guide to help me understand what was happening beyond the madness of 2020. It started to make sense when I was reminded that anger is an emotion we store in our liver.
As the full expression of my emotions silently arose and the tears continued to roll down my face, in my mind's eye I asked despairingly... why? Calling out to God - why oh why...?! The pain of what I had done weighed heavily upon me. In the moment of giving the order and witnessing the devastation I had created, I felt a deep inner sadness for these poor, helpless people and at the same time I judged them. I judged them as under-privileged in the way that I had been trained by the Romans.
Overcome with my own grief, anger and guilt I made the ultimate sacrifice and fell on my own sword - through the solar plexus (soul) and into my heart.
In that moment the words arose in my subconscious -
'You chose to feel separation - the feelings of being separate and alone. At the level of the soul, this experience is neither good nor bad - it just is. You have chosen to repeat this cycle of separation, experiencing it many times over - life after life as you carry the guilt and the grief of this moment'.
A tiny part of me understood this, accepted it, and the scene in my vision gently shifted from sadness to acceptance.
All souls participated willingly so that they too could have the full experience of their own challenges. In fulfilling my destiny, I helped others to play their part in the great cosmic dance of the universe of which we are all a part. Each soul seeks opportunities for the full expression of experiences, and at a soul-level there is gratitude, not judgement, to those who fulfil their commitment.
Another aspect of this experience was for me to understand a patterns playing out in my own life today - to have gratitude for those who have triggered anger, guilt, grief and betrayal and separation.
The other shadow brought to light was that of my own judgement of those I perceived to be under-privileged and my deep desire to 'help them' - to take away their pain.
The pagans I judged as underprivileged had true freedom and connection - something I completely missed in my desire to 'help them' from inside the Empire. It was I who was separated from the joy of freedom and the connection I had with Mother Nature.
It isn't lost on me that in this life I was born and raised a Catholic - an institution I walked away from at the first opportunity; and that I have a deep affinity for the natural world, for the ancient ways and the wisdom that has sustained generations. I also remember sitting on a beach feeling so lucky for having been born in Australia, into relative stability and comfort considering how the vast majority on our planet live. In experiencing that blessing I had made the same judgement about what it means to have privilege and felt a deep calling to 'give back' - in fact I wrote about it in a journal. It is only now that I can see how my own judgements serve to create more separation and distorted my ability to serve fully from the heart.
I breathe into all of this and allow the imprints to pass from my body. The patterns end with me.
Over the past few years I have regressed lives from Rome in particular - each time in service to the State; and each time showing me how I have been asked to subjugate my core beliefs, my values and the wisdom of the natural world so that I can survive. It has always been a faustian bargain. The thread that runs through them all is the feeling of separation I felt in the deepest recesses of my being. Each one another turn of the wheel; but in this one a great determination to transcend my challenges and realise my gifts.
If you believe in the possibility that there is 'more' to your experience - open yourself up to the possibilities that your life is a true gift - that in the process of being you; you play a vital role in helping others to experience the full expression of their own gifts and challenges, as painful as that may be.
This is not an opportunity to excuse poor behaviour or to gloss over the shitty things you've done; but to understand that in trying to be our best, we make mistakes, we hurt others, we do things we regret (we're human).
We can't change our errors, but we can have deep compassion for ourselves in processing them, releasing them and getting on with the job of owning who we are. Only you can take away your pain. Only you can feel the full expression of your own feelings as a way to transcend them - no one else can do that for you. That doesn't mean it feels good, that you don't need help or that you need to do it alone.
Each week I speak to people who are afraid of the dark - afraid of the depth of their feelings and somewhere deep inside is a small voice warning them of overwhelm. I've heard this voice too - it's a real thing; and it's not easy to overcome - but it's also not impossible. In my own experience, the fear of losing my shit was far greater than what it was like to 'lose it'. When I look back at the fear I had, the things I did to avoid the feelings, the medication I took, etc. If I could go back and trade places, I would choose differently and I would feel every texture of that emotions to not have to deal with extra years I lost trying to unravel it later.
No one says you have to leap into the abyss; but it leaves you with two choices - do nothing, or take the next smallest step and see what happens.
Every journey starts with the first step...
Where will your next step take you?
Tim is a guide, a teacher of wisdom and coach to people from all walks of life.
He is a certified in natural wisdom, energy healing, life and leadership coaching and breath therapy.
He travelled prolifically around the world which has given him deep insights into what it means to live life fully in diverse cultural contexts.
Beneath his gentle nature and deep love of helping others is a person who has amassed great wisdom, traveled to the extremes of our planet and pursued experiences for their own sake, sometimes at great personal risk; so that he can speak from a place of first-hand knowledge.
If you'd like to work with Tim, you can book a session at http://book.timsnell.co